Testimonials
and Responses
How have other believers navigated the potential conflicts between BDSM and Christianity? Are there strong arguments for why Christians should distance themselves from the secular kink community?
Thoughts from Jenni in Georgia
“Interested in sub dom bc I am a strong woman w/ a stubborn and strong personality, and often women like me are just looking for and wanting a stronger man that’s why we may choose this lifestyle soft core bdsm – I don’t need a man I was marred 28 years and recently divorced. I found someone perfect for me and we are in love. I didn’t know he was into kink until it was too late I already fell for him. I was excited though as the sex in my marriage was boring and miserable. My husband was my first and last.
“And now I’m looking forward to a life w/ an exciting passionate man who knows how to please a woman. He’s stronger than me and I respect him so much. I lost respect for my husband for good reason. He needed me to take care of him it was like a had 2 children. […] Thank you for this website I’m really excited.”
Thoughts from Iris in California
“Honestly, I’m still figuring it out. I’ve gotten to, ‘God apparently made me this way,’ and, ‘My practices are not harming anyone else,’ but not much further.
“As a[…] priest, I owe a certain level of submission to my bishop. I’m aware of the Christian tradition of religious orders where you submit to your superior or abbot as a way of practicing your submission to God. (I’m also aware of how that tradition was, and sometimes still is, abused, especially with women. Cf, Pope Francis’ acknowledgment to a group of sisters a few years ago.) I told my Dom the first time we played, when I took off my clergy collar, that my primary submission was and would always be to God. I have struggled with the very few acts of submission he has asked for, at least at the beginning, but most have gradually become fulfilling to me.
“As a priest, my life is built around service. There is no question I have sometimes given more than I should have. As a result, service to my Dom can feel either familiar and good, or like further exploitation. It’s certainly highlighted my discernment about what is Godly service or even sacrifice that I’m called to, and what is not.
“Play is even more complicated. There is just no question that it grounds and settles and sometimes heals me. I feel loved in the whole sequence of accepting pain, being pushed, being fully accepted and praised and pleasured for doing so, being told afterward to be still and feel and let him take the watch.
“So for me, Love is Love, and God is Love. That’s all I understand so far.”
Thoughts from Rebecca in Texas
“I’ve been married for 15 years and have had 4 children. I have been chronically and severely ill until a recent hysterectomy/ mass excision. With healing I’ve found peace in submission and soft/mild bdsm. After years of pain I am free to feel in a different way. A way practiced in a loving marriage with a believing husband.
“I feel blessed and grateful for healing and freedom to love my husband now. I believe that acts of any consenting nature that are kept between a husband and wife only and edify the marriage are permissible…and therefore the marriage bed undefiled.”
Share Your Experience
For Christians who worry that their own kinky desires are sinful, it helps to hear that others have successfully found ways to engage in BDSM as Christians. Share a little bit about your story and your perspective. Some responses will be posted publicly.
Do You Disagree?
Feel free to share your thoughts and objections, but please include scriptural references (or external resources) to support your claim.
Include your email if you’re open to follow-up questions. Examples of the strongest arguments may be shared on this website. Thank you for taking the time to engage with an open mind.
Please Share Your Thoughts and Concerns
Personally identifying information (and editorial tips about the website) may be edited out, but otherwise the goal is to post comments and replies as received. Longer messages may be edited for length and/or given a separate page. With a wider range of feedback, it would be nice to group together categories of feedback, representing perspectives from different denominations and Christians in different life circumstances.
General feedback on the website is also welcome, whether you have trouble accessing content or get loading errors. It’s obviously a big project and off to a slow start, but testimonials will help to show that Christian BDSM is real for more than just one guy on WordPress.
Still a work in progress. Thank you for your patience and support.