Three Christian Perspectives on Kink

Many YouTubers have publicly shared their perspectives on kink and BDSM. A few of them are publicly Christian. You can find all kinds of perspectives on anonymous forums, but these informal videos are particularly relatable.

These three laypersons approach the complicated subject of BDSM with humility. It’s a refreshing change, compared to some of the statements by Christian leaders. Rather than speaking on God’s behalf, each YouTube presenter emphasizes when they’re giving their own personal opinions.

“Can you be a Christian wife and be Kinky?” by Domestic & Geeky

Sonya’s videos on YouTube date from about March of 2016 until Feb 2018 on her “Domestic & Geeky” channel. In addition to posting videos, Sonya also maintained a website and blog with relationship advice at RomanceQueen.net. On the website, she described herself as “passionate about re-igniting romance and deepening intimacy in marriage.” Some of her blog posts (like playful romance tips and guides to male and female anatomy) are accessible through Archive.org

The relevant YouTube video is titled “Can you be a Christian wife and be Kinky?” In this quirky and playful video, Sonya wears cat ears and costume makeup. She describes how she enjoys dressing in a series of playful costumes, surprising her husband with lighthearted role play. This doesn’t sound much like the “whips-and-chains” that make many Christians associate with BDSM. In fact, Sonya’s willingness to experiment is a huge part of what it means to “be kinky” across the BDSM community. It takes courage to try something new (and potentially embarrassing) with your spouse, and some ideas are likely to be awkward or silly in real life.

“In my opinion, too many ladies don’t want to have fun…”

As Sonya explains, “In my opinion, too many ladies don’t want to have fun… don’t want to do the kinds of things that before you got married—or when you first got married—made your relationship exciting and new.” The answer to the title question (Can you be a Christian wife and be Kinky?) is pretty straightforward, as Sonya writes in the video description, “The answer is ABSOLUTELY! (As long as it’s with YOUR husband Lol)”

Watch Sonya’s video and enjoy her bubbly personality for yourself. The main verse she cites is Proverbs 17:22 about having a cheerful heart. Admittedly, it’s not a hard-hitting argument about controversial aspects of being “kinky.” Even so, Sonya’s enthusiasm is a refreshing change of perspective.

Sonya at RomanceQueen.net
Domestic & Geeky 2016
https://youtu.be/ymp_QWh-KH0

“Is BDSM a Sin?” by Kinky Christian

With three videos posted over a couple of days in 2018, Kinky Christian’s channel didn’t stay active for very long. Still, she clearly had ambitious goals to cover a lot of topics about the overlap between Christianity and BDSM. Her most popular video, titled “Is BDSM a Sin?”, gives a 24-minute discussion of common misconceptions about BDSM. Unsurprisingly, with the name of the channel, Kinky Christian argues that BDSM and Christianity are compatible. She uses three main verses to evaluate the potential sinfulness of BDSM:

Galatians 5:1
Philippians 2:3-4
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Unfortunately, the Kinky Christian series stops after three videos. She talks about coming back later to make videos about abuse and related topics. Some of her goals ran parallel to the goals of this website, covering controversial and potentially dangerous aspects of BDSM. The discussion feels a little disorganized at times, but there’s certainly plenty of rambling on this website, too.

Shortly after the “Is BDSM a Sin?” video, her quick follow-up included links to secular kink educators like Evie Lupine. She emphasized that others on YouTube had significantly more experience with kink.
Why didn’t Kinky Christian continue making videos? Possibly, she may have gotten intimidated by the volume of content already produced by channels with an established audience. Or life could have gotten too busy for a long series of videos. Whatever happened, it would certainly be helpful to have more kinky Christians willing to speak publicly about the compatibility of their personal faith and BDSM.

“Is BDSM a Sin? | Can Christians have kinky sex?” by Tattooed Theist

The Tattooed Theist delivers his perspective on BDSM with a laid-back attitude. He broadly supports the idea of freedom in the bedroom. Without notes or specific references, a couple of his asides are hard to follow, like when he talks about a group of Christians whipping each other to re-create the suffering of Christ before the crucifixion. There’s a religious ritual with non-fatal crucifixions in the Philippines, but that’s separate from BDSM, and the Tattooed Theist may have been referencing something else.

Surprisingly thorough, the Tattooed Theist establishes boundaries around that freedom in the bedroom. You need mutual consent. Keep it between you and your spouse, not involving other people. Don’t pressure your spouse to do things that make them uncomfortable.

Christian Perspective on Pain and Slavery?

According to the Tattooed Theist’s perspective, a couple of aspects of BDSM cross the line into sexual immorality. He mentions sadomasochism with more intense pain and Master/slave roles. To him, inflicting intense pain seems abusive and incompatible with Biblical teachings about love. The Master/slave roles seem to conflict with the New Testament’s directions not to enter into slavery.
Interestingly, he also quotes from a GotQuestions.org post about parts of the BDSM subculture “reeking of evil”. An earlier blog post specifically addresses that GotQuestions answer. The quote resonated with the Tattooed Theist because he experienced a similar kind of discomfort around people in the BDSM subculture. He said, “If you’ve ever been around people who are deep, deep into that, there’s just something that’s weird and off and …evil within that group. It’s just the culture, the atmosphere of it… It feels dirty. It feels wrong.”

There’s a lot to unpack with that feeling, and it’s probably worth a post on its own. The international BDSM subculture is pretty diverse, including people who practice paganism and Wicca as well as non-religious people who enjoy aesthetic styles like Goth attire. Some people enjoy making others uncomfortable. The discomfort experienced by Tattooed Theist may not be relevant for the kinds of BDSM that would be practiced by married Christian couples.

How Reliable Are Bad Vibes?

Lastly, it’s worth remembering that the “creeped-out” feeling is unreliable in itself. How would a sheltered Baptist feel during their first visit to a Pentecostal service? New styles of worship “feel” very wrong at first, even when it’s just the music minister bringing a guitar. How many Christians would say there’s something “weird or off” about snake-handling or speaking in tongues? Without specific examples, it’s hard to know what the Tattooed Theist had in mind. Doubtless, many kinky Christians also choose to distance themselves from certain aspects of BDSM subculture.

When something feels intensely unappealing or incomprehensible to you, it’s perfectly fine to listen to your gut. Don’t take any chances if the situation might be unsafe. But then, if you’re just creeped out by your first impression of something new, don’t be too rash in condemning it as evil. At least when it comes to BDSM, it’s more important to seek discernment in the things you and your spouse want to try, rather than defining the morality of others.

Links to these Christian Perspectives on Kink

“Is BDSM a Sin?” by Kinky Christian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4W9Sx-_4Xto

“Can you be a Christian wife and be Kinky?” by Domestic & Geeky https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymp_QWh-KH0&feature=youtu.be

“Is BDSM a Sin? | Can Christians have kinky sex?” by Tattooed Theist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIEe0IcdTPU