Beginning with a reasonable definition of BDSM, the convenient reference website “GotQuestions.org” (Your questions. Biblical Answers.) gives a clear and thorough answer to the title question, “What does the Bible say about BDSM?” The author demonstrates a strong grasp of scripture and a better-than-average understanding of the wide range of consensual behavior included in BDSM. The second half of the answer will be most relevant to readers here:
“…God has given married couples freedom in regards to what takes place in the ‘marriage bed.’ Could this freedom include black leather costumes, non-violent bondage, and role-playing? There is nothing in the Bible that explicitly restricts such activities.
“With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part. Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex. Sex is to be an expression of love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment. Sex is to be the literal/physical expression of a married couple being ‘one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). To bring pain, degradation, or humiliation into the sexual relationship distorts what it is supposed to be, even when such actions are consensual. The more extreme aspects of BDSM reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.
“In regards to the BDSM subculture, the need to dominate and/or be dominated in a relationship, whether sexual or non-sexual, may reveal a psyche in need of being redeemed by God through Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ died to set us free from sin and its consequences (Luke 4:18; Galatians 5:1). Jesus Christ always demonstrated servant leadership, not dominance, in His relationships with others (John 13). The need to dominate and the desire to be dominated are spiritually unhealthy. Even if some ‘innocent’ or fun aspects of BDSM are allowable within the context of marriage, the vast majority of what takes place in BDSM is absolutely not Christian or Christ-like in any sense.”
Although it ends with a strongly worded condemnation, Got Answers spends the first two paragraphs (not included above) acknowledging that the Bible doesn’t provide any guidance directly applicable to BDSM. The short “answer” posts don’t allow much room for supporting arguments, but it’s unclear how verses like Genesis 2:24 and John 13 justify the final conclusion.
A couple of key arguments deserve further consideration:
“…With that said, there are definitely dark aspects to BDSM in which a Christian should have no part.”
The majority of kinky Christians would agree with this statement—that certain “aspects” and fetishes should be off limits. Like saying “Christians shouldn’t go to certain types of movies,” every couple might draw their boundaries a little differently. For many Christians, the important areas for prayer and discernment are the fantasies and fetishes they (and their spouse) personally find attractive, not mapping the expansive and convoluted subculture of secular BDSM.
“Receiving sexual pleasure through the giving or receiving of pain is not in agreement with what the Bible says about sex.”
Unfortunately, the phrase “what the Bible says about sex” is not followed by references. If a married couple enjoys spankings or sadomasochistic play, then it’s hard to see why that kinky marriage would have any less “love, affection, passion, gentleness, selflessness, and commitment” as a result.
This claim seems to rest on the negative social stigma about “giving or receiving pain,” rather than scripture. It’s worth remembering that the modern ideal of passionate, romantic love between equals isn’t modeled on Biblical or historical standards for marriage. On the other hand, lots of verses speak positively about suffering and whippings, historical realities that are less socially acceptable today.
“…the need to dominate and/or be dominated in a relationship […] may reveal a psyche in need of being redeemed by God through Jesus Christ.”
The use of the term “psyche” hints at a clinical authority for a judgment that sounds a little condescending. From politics to genres of music, we’ve heard several versions of the argument “Well, you must not be a real Christian if that’s what you like…” To give them the benefit of the doubt, the author may not know about the Dominants and submissives who consider themselves devout Christians.
The scripture references provided to support this claim are indirect (Luke 4:18 and Galatians 5:1). On the other hand, politically incorrect hierarchies of King/subject, Husband/wife, and Parent/child are used throughout the Bible, both as symbols and realities of daily life at the time. The Bible’s use of the term doulos suggests that Christians should be very interested in becoming slaves, at least in their relationship with Christ.
Shouldn’t we be more concerned about the American Christian’s “need” to be perfectly free, self-sufficient, outwardly successful, and everywhere respected as an equal? By comparison, it seems trivial to condemn a couple’s preference (or “need”) for hierarchy within their marriage.
The descent into personal judgment.
The tone of the opening paragraphs is quite reasonable and accommodating. Is there a wry sense of humor in the phrase “black leather costumes?” Both leather and costumes are objectively fair examples of BDSM. Besides, many kinky people have a sense of humor about the outward absurdity of their own fetishes. Of course, it’s different to poke fun as an outsider.
As the response moves on, the tone gradually sharpens, with phrasing like “reek of Satanism/paganism and are definitively ungodly and perverted.” Depending on how your define “more extreme,” many kinky Christians would likely agree. On the outermost fringes of the kink community, there’s outright criminal and pathological behavior. But then again, we don’t spend a lot of time worrying about the most extreme sects and cults that consider themselves Christian.
In just a few paragraphs, after admitting the lack of directly relevant scripture, the answer pivots into a sweeping condemnation: “…the vast majority of what takes place in BDSM is absolutely not Christian or Christ-like in any sense.” Strong words. It would be interesting to know what’s meant by “the vast majority.”
Oral Sex, Fetishes, and Torture Approved?
For contrast, the well-intentioned team at Got Questions brings an open-minded attitude about sexual immorality to issues less controversial(?) than BDSM and sadism. Links to the full Answers about oral sex and other topics will provide more context for these short excerpts:
“Many, perhaps most, Christian married couples have had this question. […] Within the confines of marriage, oral sex is free from sin as long as there is mutual consent.”
“Other than [adultery/swinging and pornography], there is nothing that Scripture explicitly forbids a husband and wife to do with each other as long as it is by mutual consent.”
“Biblically, there is no room for any form of sadism. […] By definition, all forms of sadism are self-focused and involve acting in ways that cause others pain, suffering, or misery. This is totally contrary to the character of God and to the instructions we are given in Scripture.”
“Certain fetishes seem exceedingly strange to some people. At the same time, within the confines of a mutually consenting marriage, it is not wrong to have a sexual fetish.”
“The Bible neither condemns nor condones a government’s use of torture. […] What if the goal of torture is to prevent further tragedy? What if a prisoner is withholding information that could save the life of an innocent person? What if a hundred lives could be saved? A thousand lives? […] May our policy makers have the wisdom to distinguish good from evil and to provide true justice.”
“. . . If anal sex occurs within the confines of marriage, by mutual consent, then there is no clear biblical reason for declaring it to be sin . . . Please note – while anal sex between a husband and his wife might not be sinful, that does not mean we endorse it. In fact, it is our conviction that anal sex is wrong, even within the confines of marriage. Medically speaking, anal sex is neither healthy nor safe. Anal sex increases the risk of tissue damage, infection, and the transmission of STDs.”
The “Got Questions” responses to Torture and Sadism deserve further discussion. Seeming contradictions between the different answers should not be judged harshly since they may be the work of different anonymous authors, possibly written and edited years apart, adding political context to topics like the acceptance of torture.
If there’s one area in which we can all use help and patience, it’s in identifying our own biases. We are all drawn toward eisegesis and interpreting scripture in a way that supports our own views. The goal here is to present Christian arguments against BDSM fairly, even when we disagree with the conclusions.
