How Do You Make Your Wife Submit?

Short Answer: You Don’t.

Roles like “Dominant” and “spiritual leader” don’t provide unlimited power. Regardless of whether or not you’re active in BDSM, a husband doesn’t “make” his wife do anything in the sense of forcing her against her will. Each couple enjoys different levels and types of power exchange, but your wife’s submission always begins with her voluntary choice.

Respect the Boundaries of Mutual Consent.

BDSM—especially when it’s explored in a Christian marriage—begins with a foundation of mutual consent. Your spouse might not be interested in being spanked or calling you “sir.” Forcing or pressuring her to change her boundaries is out of the question. Don’t take it personally; the “obey” in wedding vows has been controversial for a long time. Now, within consensual BDSM relationships, some couples do enjoy engaging in bratty submission and consensual non-consent. Those dynamics still operate within thoroughly negotiated boundaries.

Communication Goes Both Ways.

Every marriage needs communication (as well as Consent and Compassion), and you should be able to talk about the types of affection you prefer. While your feelings might say otherwise, you don’t “need” to experience your fantasies. It’s reasonable to say that you need to be heard and appreciated by your spouse, but you’ll need to be equally flexible and attentive to their needs.

Work on listening to your spouse. They may perceive real spiritual dangers associated with your personal kink. Don’t just wait for your turn, searching for persuasive counterarguments.

Explain that BDSM is important to you, but it shouldn’t be your top priority. You should be working to improve your marriage in other ways.

Exercise and Work on Yourself.

An awful lot of women have fantasies about being submissive toward a tall, dark, and handsome man. Somehow, you don’t see many pot-bellied”dad bods” on the covers of romance novels. Compared to when you were dating and engaged, how much effort are you putting into exercise and your physical appearance?

From parenting schedules to hormones, a lot of game-changers for married sex life are beyond your control. Nearly everyone can do better with diet and exercise. Granted, your physical fitness probably isn’t the primary cause for your wife’s drop in libido. But regardless, it wouldn’t hurt to look a little more like the studs in her favorite TV shows.

Set a few realistic self-improvement goals, and your spouse may be impressed by your improved confidence.

Pray for Your Own Guidance, Not Her Submissiveness.

Your fantasies take a back seat to both your relationship with Christ and your relationship with your spouse. You aren’t exactly unbiased when it comes to interpreting what the Bible says about your kink. Your spouse’s discomfort with BDSM could be a sign that it’s not a great fit for your marriage right now.

In other areas of your life, have you stepped up to the challenge of serving as spiritual leader? Is your wife the one dragging the family to church? Does she have to hold you accountable for your backsliding into your own vices? Then why would she trust your moral and spiritual compass when it comes to something as complicated as BDSM?

Demonstrate Stronger Leadership.

Does your wife hate planning family outings or taking care of some tedious chore around the house? Demonstrate your servant-leadership skills by taking initiative and making her life easier. Smaller acts of chivalry, like opening car doors, can make her feel loved and appreciated.

Pay close attention to her preferences and take her on a date that you know she’ll enjoy. Make it a surprise, but give her enough warning to plan and dress appropriately. BDSM submission requires a lot of trust in your spouse’s judgment and perceptiveness.

Make Yourself Better Qualified to Lead.

The Dominant role in a relationship takes A LOT of work. The fantasy of many husbands features an emphasis on sexual favors, but you’ve got to make the arrangement even more rewarding for your spouse. Do your research when it comes to defining Christian boundaries and learning best practices. Secular BDSM offers a lot of helpful introductions and safety guidelines.

Because of temperament, upbringing, past trauma, and a million other reasons, many women simply will never be interested in BDSM. Some women even prefer to take the dominant role for themselves, and that’s an arrangement that works out fine in some marriages. Work on your communication skills with your spouse, and find out where your preferences overlap.